Thursday, March 22, 2007

Just because…

Sports editor Mike Szvetitz—whose Lazy Blog is a must-read—e-mailed me a link to this Associated Press story about Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick. Apparently Vick, who’s been out of the media spotlight since his embarassing run-in with airport police in Miami a while back, decided to break his silence today.

For those of you who have better things to do that keep up with the doings of spoiled, self-important excuse-making professional athletes, here’s a quick recap of Vick’s “BottleGate,” from the original AP story:

Vick reluctantly surrendered a water bottle to security at Miami International Airport that smelled like marijuana and contained a substance in a hidden compartment.

Two Transportation Security Administration screeners recognized the 6-foot, 215-pound Vick when he was reluctant to turn over his 20-ounce bottle.

The bottle was found to have a compartment that contained “a small amount of dark particulate and a pungent aroma closely associated with marijuana,” a Miami police report said. The compartment was hidden by the bottle’s label so that it appeared to be a full bottle of water when held upright, police said.

No charges were ever filed in the case, which hasn’t stopped pretty much anyone who follows pro football—myself included—from making about a million Vick jokes in the last month.

So, here’s Vick’s version of the incident. (While reading this explanation, it’s important to remember the phrase “a pungent aroma closely associated with marijuana.")

Michael Vick said Thursday that the water bottle seized two months ago by authorities at Miami International Airport was a jewelry box.

Vick came under scrutiny in January after police said the seized water bottle smelled of marijuana and had a secret compartment, but lab tests found no evidence of drugs. Speaking publicly for the first time since the incident, the Atlanta quarterback said the bottle was a hiding place for earrings and jewelry.

“I have had that bottle for years, for a long time,” Vick told reporters gathered for the Falcons’ announcement about the trade of Matt Schaub, Vick’s backup.

“If you had seen the bottle, you would have never known there was any jewelry in there,” he said. “I have had things stolen out of hotels. But I had never checked it through the airport.”

Apparently, Vick isn’t content with the Carmelo Anthony defense, which more or less boils down to: “This stuff ain’t mine!” Instead, he’s gone with the never-before-used “This is a jewelry box, not a weed stash” defense. It’s so crazy, it just might work!

Or something like that. Thanks for stopping by, Mike. Come back when you can come up with an excuse that doesn’t make me burst out laughing, OK?